‘People blame mothers too much,’ my daughter said the
other day when I was trying to justify some of her troubles on the basis of my
absence when she was little.
other day when I was trying to justify some of her troubles on the basis of my
absence when she was little.
‘It’s not fair to always blame the mother.’
In my mind, cause and effect go back to early childhood
and a person’s experience of being parented, but my daughters reckon there’s
more to it than that.
and a person’s experience of being parented, but my daughters reckon there’s
more to it than that.
There’s a dog bone in the middle of the room hidden behind
the pattern of the carpet. The dog must have snuck it in while no one was
looking.
the pattern of the carpet. The dog must have snuck it in while no one was
looking.
We impose a no-bones-inside rule out of a sense of
order. The dog refuses to leave
his bone in a bowl. Instead he
carries his bone with him to all rooms of the house a child clutches her
comfort blanket in order to create the illusion that he has control of what he
needs given his lack of control over his mother.
order. The dog refuses to leave
his bone in a bowl. Instead he
carries his bone with him to all rooms of the house a child clutches her
comfort blanket in order to create the illusion that he has control of what he
needs given his lack of control over his mother.
Our dog hoards his bones and hides them and we hurl them
back outside. If only I could
grind away my worries the way the dog pulverizes his bone.
back outside. If only I could
grind away my worries the way the dog pulverizes his bone.
The dog of my childhood ate his bones outside on the
grass. One of sisters once fell
and her hand landed on the sharp edge of a bone which went through her wrist
and came out the other end. She
came into the house wailing and held her hand up to my mother’s horror. A hospital visit later and all was restored.
grass. One of sisters once fell
and her hand landed on the sharp edge of a bone which went through her wrist
and came out the other end. She
came into the house wailing and held her hand up to my mother’s horror. A hospital visit later and all was restored.
It is one of our many childhood accidents. One brother ripped a hunk out of his
leg when he fell down a cliff wall and snagged his foot on a tree, another
sister wound up in hospital when someone opened their car door on her
bike. I nearly drowned and twice I
was skittled by cars. The list is
endless.
leg when he fell down a cliff wall and snagged his foot on a tree, another
sister wound up in hospital when someone opened their car door on her
bike. I nearly drowned and twice I
was skittled by cars. The list is
endless.
If I were my mother I would have gone mad with the worry,
all those children, all those legs and arms and hands and heads, all ready for
damage, all open to accident and death.
all those children, all those legs and arms and hands and heads, all ready for
damage, all open to accident and death.
‘We are so lucky,’ my mother says. ‘Such a healthy family. No one gets sick. No cancer. No drug addiction.’
I
tell her this is not true and remind her of her own mother’s death from stomach
cancer, aged 67. I remind her of
my father’s death of a heart attack through too much smoking and drinking, aged 65. But my mother shrugs it off, as if alcohol is
to blame, rather like some folks in America defend the presence of guns. The guns are not the problem, it’s the
people who use them.
tell her this is not true and remind her of her own mother’s death from stomach
cancer, aged 67. I remind her of
my father’s death of a heart attack through too much smoking and drinking, aged 65. But my mother shrugs it off, as if alcohol is
to blame, rather like some folks in America defend the presence of guns. The guns are not the problem, it’s the
people who use them.
‘This house is the epicenter of worry,’ another daughter
said to me when I was off loading some of my most recent concerns. She reciprocated by telling me about this dreadful customer she had encountered
at her work, a woman who was unhappy with her purchase – a round shelf
unit. She had been promised a
brand new one but there were none left so they gave her one from the floor.
said to me when I was off loading some of my most recent concerns. She reciprocated by telling me about this dreadful customer she had encountered
at her work, a woman who was unhappy with her purchase – a round shelf
unit. She had been promised a
brand new one but there were none left so they gave her one from the floor.
‘It’s damaged’ the woman said, for which my daughter
apologized and offered a refund, but the woman huffed off to think about
it. Then she rang back to complain
that she had lost her receipt, convinced now that my daughter had kept the
receipt in order to prevent the woman from exchanging her goods.
apologized and offered a refund, but the woman huffed off to think about
it. Then she rang back to complain
that she had lost her receipt, convinced now that my daughter had kept the
receipt in order to prevent the woman from exchanging her goods.
My daughter searched everywhere for the receipt which
could not be found, not on the desk in the wastepaper basket nowhere. The woman rang off with threats of
further action and my daughter caught the contagion of paranoia.
could not be found, not on the desk in the wastepaper basket nowhere. The woman rang off with threats of
further action and my daughter caught the contagion of paranoia.
Then the woman sent an email complaining about the
treatment she had received while acknowledging she had since found her receipt
– ‘human error,’ she wrote, as if to mock my daughter’s original apology for her ‘damaged goods’.
treatment she had received while acknowledging she had since found her receipt
– ‘human error,’ she wrote, as if to mock my daughter’s original apology for her ‘damaged goods’.
